Selfish Daddy

He doesn't know what I'm thinking... I mean my dad.

He's getting irritating and annoying everytime he preach. He blamed my mom for being lazy, he's nothing better.

He simply can't see us in his shoes. He cares only bout his thinking. He said bad things bout mom in front of her. He mocked @ me for being a messy girl. He insulted me for not being an organised person. Who say I'm not. I insisted that I'm not. Coz I found my stuff where I placed, though I'm pretty messy, and that's becoz I've got no time or mood to handle this minor things. Too much stuffs clouding up my mind. I hate him for not being understanding.

I cried.

He said he find himself guilty, for what? Coz he nv paid for my lappy, while he got those for bro last time. Who says he didn't pay a single cent. He paid for all my expenses when we were young. I find it good enough. I'm earning satisfactory for my living. I'm satisfied. He's not. He made me felt so miserable after he said those shit.

I cried again.

Why must he said those hurtful things in front of me. He's selfish. I hate him for not being understanding. He doesn't know how annoying he can be when he's at home. Yes, he's trying to be nice. Too nice until he exceed his limit. We can't stand him. Everything in the house he nv stop mentioning. He nv lose in an arguement. Coz he also think he's right. I admit that I'm untidy. That's becoz I'm in no mood nowadays. I get moody when I dun get things done nicely. I've too much thing in my mind that I want to settle. But I dun have the power to do them. I've fully disorganized now. I'm depressed a times too. Who knows it. I guess not many. Coz I'm always laughing around and nv be sad in front of the others, but that doesn't mean I'm fine. Laughter has always been the best concealer of sadness and loneliness.

I just want others to feel happy. I did complained to ppl ard me for my lousy work, but who can actually understand my need? I just want some challenge in my life. Same to the other half.

I've nv been into a real relationship, not because I dare not plunge in. It's the matter on the chemistry between us, the x-factor on him (that I'm looking for), the time and fate. I trust myself, yet I lost myself when I, when I start looking at the downside. I think I start losing my confidence. I dont know why. Coz I find my life boring? No more great entertainment? Or maybe I find myself not that fun anymore.. whatever.

I'm fat. I wanna loss many pounds so that I will cheer up. Depressed coz I'm plum while other gurls at my age should be slim n tender, oh yah, and ladylike (which I'm not at all) plus beautiful skin? Yes, I'm jealous of them. Coz they are pretty. They caught so many eyes of other guys. Wat bout me? My colleagues laugh at me that I'm fat. I'm hurt, yet I've to carry on fooling with them. I've got to take in whatever I'm being called. Lousy them. Who ask me to stay there then. Coz of the conveniency and pay. But no life. Bored.

Can anyone just understand abit how I feel, by saying, "I know how you feel". No one said that to me before. Terrible. Seems like I'm always the one who said that to my friends huh. I'm a good friend, don't I. Ha.

I've stop crying. My eyes are sored now.