He's just not that into you

I just said something that reflected myself so badly. I said.. "I'm just so not cool when comes to relationship". Yeah. I know I am. A loser. A loser when comes to love. I headed towards my feeling, but I always ended up making the wrong move. I don't know what exactly went wrong. I just hate it the way it turns out to be. Has it ended? I don't event know has it ever started. It sounds so ironic. But well.. that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Contradicting.

I don't really care about how people look at me. I listened nothing from the peers. They feel sorry for me, for what I've told them, and they knew I've tried my best, but they can't do much to me, coz they heard me - I still love him alot. Most of them told me to open up myself, find myself a better choice, but who knows better than me. I know he doesn't wanna commit in the first place, tt's what he said. Since he had made it clear, i should have taken off then.. but i'm just waiting. the feeling is like.. let the ice melt slowly.. but it really took months to melt and evaporate. N I ended up got throw back to the freezer to get frozen up again while i'm trying to evaporating (do u really understand the feeling?) . He loves playing his own game, well I don't, I'm just being nice to compromise with him. That's all. I'm so tire of his game. but I can't seems to find the 'game over' word on the board. Or there isn't in the first place?

I'm always recalling back how nice my first met up with him was. If only I didn't agree to meet him that night (25th Jan 2008).. we would nv ended up like this. In fact is, I would nv ended up like this.

Yesterday, I finally gotten my book. The book is "he's just not that into you.

How come so many women out there met all the rot guys. N the simple answer to all my questions.. it's exactly - He's just not that into you. FUCK! how can this be happening to me too. I had been crying so much for the whole year.. just hoping hard that he would love me one day (yah.. continue to hope so). It says, or in fact, the truth is, if the guy really likes you, you don't have to do anything and just wait. DAMN GOD. i hate the reality. but tt's the real fact. Why me then? Why is it me AGAIN?

here again. I lost my trust to all the friendly and sweet man. they all look the same to me now. their main objective is to have sex at the end of the day. so they get it hardcore once they've gotten your weakness point. So, should I start writing a book of meeting liar? So tt the women out there don't get into such story of mine after they've heard it too? i'm so disappointed with all these freak nowadays. They are so scary.

And once again. I knew I had a hard fall. This round, it's bleeding alot, alot.

Underaged girl - She's got all right

I copied this from this girl's blogspot (her name is Jess.). She's got all things right for my current situation.

You know you're fucked when...
Mood swings.
Been having a lot of them recently. Or rather, I've always been having them ever so often.As such, I now present to you...YOU KNOW YOUR WORLD IS FUCKED UPSIDE DOWN WHEN...kindly sponsored by my bitch fits and mood swings lately....

1) You lose your appetite, and don't eat much, even when you're hungry, and even though you're the world's biggest glutton......

2) You are exhausted, but you still cannot sleep properly at all... and you spend night after night thinking about the thing you're trying not to think about......

3) You choose to go out everyday and do all sorts of random things, or work your butt off, even if you don't want to, just to tire and distract yourself from thinking about something...And then please re-read number 2 again......

4) You are a big movie fan but.. Comedy movies just don't seem that funny anymore, romance movies make you depressed, action movies seem undramatic when compared to your own life and horror movies are more like comedies in the end......

5) You realize that the only person who can make you stop crying.. is the one who made you cry......

6) Nothing is exactly wrong in your life... and still nothing seems quite right......

7) When you have to resort to the internet as a way of releasing emotions.. e.g - create an emo blog post as an oh-so-subtle hint to everyone about how you're feeling.....

8) You waste all your time waiting for something that won't happen.. You know it won't happen, you tell yourself not to bother about it, but when the time comes and you are proved right... you get depressed and disappointed over it anyways......

9) You have to pretend that you are okay. Okay people don't pretend, when they are sad, they are sad.. Because they're not afraid. The ones who pretend to be the strongest are the ones who need help the most......

10) You smile and laugh in the day........But the tears still fall at night....

And lastly, you know you are extremely super duper fucked when Number 1 - 10 happens to you, all at once....

Goodnight, world.

xoxo,Jess

This is not what I wanted all along...

I'm supposed to feel good over the weekend. Coz I had a wonderful week...


Firstly, I attended Grace's Wedding on 1 Oct (it's a public holiday, Children's Day cum Hari Raya Puasa). Though it was quite a last minute invitation, but I still went for it coz no plan was on for that day. Thw solemnization was held at the beach area of Rasa Sentosa Resort. Very nicely planned. I caught the flower from the bride that day, actually I didn't catch it, coz it hitted me, and drop onto the ground, so I went to pick it up... It's a nice bouquet.. though I dun really know what flower is that. White one. I had a picture with it..

Then next, yesterday Chris invited me, Michelle & Yiying to Ah Mei's Concert on Sat (4 Oct). Very good one. (And Michelle & YiYing are really sweet & nice girls) . Bought Ne-Yo's latest album (Year of the Gentleman, the song 'Mad' is very nice), and a pair of charles & keith's sandals.

Almost cried when she sang the '原来你什么都不想要'... coz I thought of him when she sang this song... I missed him pretty much.

Then today, quite bad in the morning. Bad stomachache while in the midst of kickboxing class.. almost black out, ended up rushed home by hailing a cab.. must be yesterday's hot n sour ramien, with today's milk. Take note next time if u didn't clear ur bowel in the morning, don't take milk if u have had spicy food the day before.. otherwise will ended up like me.. my face was so pale..

Then I catch up with Stephanie for KTV session at E!hub this afternoon.. she slimmed down alot.. nice. So cold at the Kbox. And that's where the thing started. We were happily enjoying our music, though it was freaking cold. He msged me. I knew it. coz it's always at the wrong time. Some disagreement. And my mood went sour later.

Back home.. I looked into the mirror. I asked. What have I done? Why do I deserved such an ill-treatment from someone I love badly. Why do I feel that I'm nothing to him. I began to cry. Sadly. All the happy moments just got wipe out by this sad moment. He said I was wasting time. How could he said that to me. Well.. I don't wanna get affected by this actually. But I just don't like to be mentally abused by him. I really don't know what to do.. he's such a jerk. But I just couldn't help to stop loving him. I've gone crazy for him. But he always give me such hiccups and then pushed me so hard that I feel so hurt. So hurt.

How could I get over this? Only comforting myself, let myself cool down. I shall not talk to him for these days. Needa concentrate alittle bit on schoolwork. n also clean up my messy room. Hope this week passes faster.

Good nite.

Extras~!

Yah, I guess I better create a new blog instead, coz the previous one was freaking long.. ehhh... yah, I got damn bloody long stuff to write.. haha.. no la.. actually this coming one gonna be a short, but a MUST say.. coz i mentioned it in the previous (x2) blog.. kk.. stop my elaboration..if not this not gonna end.

I passed my bridging econs (and bridging math of coz.. this one no need to say one la.. CHEY!)! Hurray! A good and bad bday surprise in fact. Coz result was only released on 11 Sep. I was soooOOOO worried after the result was out.. coz i only scored .. 35.. :P freaking bad uh? But congrats to me, coz passing mark is 34 (hahahaahaha!). Next yr will increase to 40. Heng ah! After the result, I was indeed feeling very low morale, didn't even wanna go sch.. but coz it's so bad, so I told myself, better be a good girl la.. and this explains why I was late for class that day..:P

And yeah, I promised to give shiwei her present b4 my school started.. and I did, but *don't tell anyone* - I made the present and gave it to her on the same day...:X, and I can jolly well took so long to give it to her.. haha! It's all the nice photos of us, a photoframe which I got it from Ikea, and I have a same one too.. and the photos are all nicely pasted into a notebook which I've got for her.. the day before my class started.. haha. which was... 24 Aug. :D

I'm Done!

My 23rd birthday

Sweet 23rd Birthday.. A peaceful and pampering one. It's cool. And everyone remembers my bday.. so many well-wishes. Yep. But with the one from him was the most that I wanted... a simple and sweet "Happy Birthday :-*"

In fact, surprisingly, only my colleagues bought me a present.. a cute polar bear bear soft toy.. very sweet of the guys (yep, it's from 4 big guys! omg).. and a surprise BIG 'Oopsy' carebear cake from the group of DnD tablemates (a.k.a. "Zhao Ciar").. (cute right?) oh-no.. guess I'm still a kid (a clumsy one) to them, tt's y I've got such a sweet carebear cakie..hee

*Add on*:

And yeah, Sephy got me a very girlie Green handbag.. hmm.. just wondering what makes her think I will carry such a feminine bag.. hee. But thanks, at least some thoughts from her.. And of coz, angbao from Mama & kor kor, and a lunch treat from Jason & Shiwei on my bday at The Uncle Sam's Claypot *nice* (coz I went all the way to CBD just to meet the 2 lovely them for lunch.. yah, Lovely..). Guess what, I took 2 days leave on my bday (11 & 12 Sep), and I was such a good girl that I went for my principle of marketing class (but I was late for class, as usual! & I got Mcdonald for my dinner... now kinda boycott Mcdonald liao.. coz of the gross Curry Sauce & falling 'mickey mouse' at the tampines interchange branch..n thanks, I've got my sundaes from there the next day after the dropping mouse incident...), and on the 12 (Fri), I still went back to officE! (hahaha, to go grab some mooncakes la~ kiddin.. not into mooncake nowadays.. just joining the fun of celebrating the mid-autumn festival), then went down to Tambuah Mas for dinner (it's at Marina Square).. nice Indonesian Food.. and then, we headed to Superbowl and had 2 games there.. and then, that's how my leave were used. Fun ah? Everyone was asking me where I went to 'wet'.. oh, com'on man.. who's gonna go clubbing with me on a Thursday nite? my last backup option (Azhar) is having his fasting month lo.. haha. I'm NOT a clubbing queen ok.. I'm just into loud loud RnB music.. cannot izzit...?

1 more surprise.. guess what? While I was on my way home on the nite bus, I saw someone.. now that I realised.. could it also be one of my 'bday surprise'? Haha.. kidding.. okok.. that someone was the guy I had a crush online 2 years back (actually Mr D was from TP too la).. n I nv get to meet him in person ... weird me, going around falling in love with all farni young chap.. n yep, he saw me.. Wahaha. No wonder I call myself the Crap Guru. Whatever.

And yesterday after my sociology class (btw, the teacher played a movie.. it was really nice..), my classmates and I had fun telling crap jokes at LJS.. so damn lame jokes, and I really had a good laugh.. hahah. Guess I didn't controlled my laughter at all.. :P Like I say, WHO cares?!? And after that, happy shopping alone at Orchard.. enjoy the passing crowd at town.. trying to get something for myself actually.. but was quite lonely throughout the journey, though someone did try to date me.. I just don't feel like seeing this guyfriend of mine.. kinda annoyed by his multiple smses.. hmm.. hope he could make some sense out of it (i'm not being racist here k.. oops.. erm, yah, a malay guyfriend).

I haven't got to buy a present for myself.. actually I did, many small and miscellaneous ones... like a speaker for my mp3? a red racer top frm Mango (which I've already got 3 pieces liao..:P), a 'Funshine' carebear keychain... hmm.. got a package for medicures n pedicures... coloured my hair (by myself).. yah.. that's bout it. *oops*.

I'm sourcing for a nice classy watch.. but kinda budget tight.. guess I've spent pretty much this month.. thank god (My school fees is really bombing a hole in my pocket!).. definitely will get one, just bout which one to buy.. wait till i get more ang bao first.. hee.

Oh yah, I promised to post picture of my desk in my previous blog.. this is how it looked


It's now messier than what's in the pictures.. haha. but Who cares man..

Yah, I changed my braces' color, on the 6 Sep.. (to this font color), and it turned out white, and got colored by the vege I ate, and now it's greenish in color.. weird ah.. Next round shall try purple then :D

Him.. him.. him.... well we met.. still, he doesn't show a care of commitment.. I'm kinda tire here... can't bother much.. But I don't deny that I still continue to think of him everyday.. but not as bad as before seeing him.. somehow.. the desperateness died down.. let time heals my broken heart man.. my wish is simple for this year. I want him to be my guy. :)


This is what I'm feeling now. - Love him -

--------------------------------------------

He once told me he likes grey color.. dunno why, I realised, actually I've got many grey color stuffs too... n I feel that I'm growing to be like him.. the way how I talk to ma friends.. (dun sound too good actually). :B I still prefer my old self. The naughty, cheerful & silly me. Let me find back myself slowly. :)

I think i really can entertained myself well when I'm lonely.. see, I've got such a damn long blog. LOL!

Putting on a mask, coz I NEED to.

Guess what? I lost one side of my contact lens again this morning. Bloody hell. Will be on spects for a couple of days then..

Freaking annoyed by ppl who gimme lousy comments to my briefing. First time in my life talking to such a big crowd (ok la.. ard 20+ ppl, and all the management for the damn fucking 1st session, I conducted 4 sessions, for all my 100 over staff!).. yah.. loser. I AM. Fuck. No encouragement, and fucked up by them.. and nobody mentioned about my effort for creating the slides. Damnn.. why don't these people just shut up their mouth n conduct the briefing by themselves? Asked the old staff to conduct the briefing then, guess they are worse than me, for the sake of opening their golden mouth.. DUMBS! And I got to do all the stupid consolidation.. everything is by me. what the damn fucking job is this. SICK of it. Okay.. at least I've started searching for a new job le... I will throw all these smelly shit to u ppl... go wipe ur face!! ArgH!

Really pissed off.. kinda dirty my blog with these ugly words.. but it's okay, at least I'm happier now.

Of coz it's not just the above that makes me wanna quit.. it's damn crazy working over the same pieces of docs (it's 'pieceS', not 'piece'), all laying around my desk, I brought them home and back to work like my meals.. never ending... and they are freaking tough! Complicating, longwinded, suffocating & taxing WORDS n POLICIES! wtf. Now I know why I nv like my job. and I've been stupidly stuck here for 3 years.. hahaha. no wonder I find myself look so old during these couples of months. Hiek! And this morning in the IWE briefing.. as I looked around.. I'm kinda proud of myself.. coz I nv see anyone of my age.. I'm really doing an 'adult' job - something youngster will hardly understand.. haha! (don't think dirty please.. I'm referring to the working world, no s*x talk)

Very agitated. Very hot tempered these couples of days. All coz of this damn boring job. and yeah.. poor social skill with my Parents, and the boy I love. Everything is just so lousy.

K. going home now. (Yeah, I'm at my desk. My very messy desk. I will take a picture of it now, and upload in my next blog.)

Nothing special

Boo.

Yup. I'm bored. Just read through my last blog. I always got so much to write... hmmm.

Just came back from Kickboxing.. 1st lesson of the new class. Luckily it's first class. Coz I was dead tire last nite.. after dbl o session with Jermaine & her friend. Well.. sat's music at dbl o is.. erm.. ahham. But I like the music @ obar.. it's aways R&B. but the place is really packed last nite.. n the bouncer is really fierce. Rude. Feel like giving him a tight slap. Well.. think the girls who went there last nite r kinda *turned off*.. heard some in the toilet who actually .. well.. I'm just there to enjoy the music n have fun actually. Dancing along with the music is cool. I just like R&B n hip music. soooo.. my style. But i think the problem there is .. the lighting is so dem.. can't see everyone's face.. so.. wat's the problem with the girl who keep going in to the toilet n touch up? Dah. My eyes were so dry last nite... freaking dry.. dunno y.

Work - I missed my deadline.. shit. tmr boss coming in and i guess i'm gonna get 'whack'... i better faster finalise the draft by today.

But i wanna go spotlight leh.. should I ah?

Go shower first la. :P

The mee soto @ the tampines round market is damn good. seems like i'm addicted to it!!! :P fattening wor..
kekeke.

I realised... it's Aug already. Wow. so fast. N i still owe Shiwei a special present. n i promised to get it done b4 my school's starting again..., coz her birthday was on 16 Jun. Ahahahaha!

:( actually i'm kinda worry bout my result for my econs' paper.. it's gonna elongate the duration for study if this paper's not gonna make it seh.. n means i got to re-study this stupid subject again! omg... :S

my bday is coming.. coming coming. next month. NEXT MONTH!

Hello, Hi & Bye.

Boo! I'm here to blog again. Was too busy for the last 2 months. Yep, busy and tire over my studies. Wow, and the 2 months flied damn fast. Many many things happened.



First, studies. Then exam. last week. Done. Now I've got 1 month of holiday. Hee. I can't wait for plan what to do without school. I missed my days out @ town b4 school started. And for studies, as expected, though I took a week to settle down @ home, i didn't study, and burnt mid-night oil the previous nite b4 econs exam. Serve me right. No mind of concentration. 'Fooling around'. Yeah.. i just dunhave the mood to study. and got quite pissed off, for being the targeted party to lend out my notes, but becoz i felt i owe it to her, (this fren of mine is quite nice in certain way, but can be pretty irritating la). Well.. I hope there's no more 'can lend me ur notes' in future. I just dunlike it. Kinda spoiled my mood to study actually. Weird me, but sorry, I just felt a breach of 'copyright' there. Haha.



2ndly. My braces. I finally get to change into a color tt I like. Mint green. *Gee* My teeth are straighten now, and still, with 4 gaps la. I missed my crooked teeth smile. The smile of mine just look different. I think i have not been smiling happily for a long long time. The smile of my face looks old and dull nowadays. I dun really like it. I hardly joke like the past. everything change so lifeless. I guess... I'm just thinking too much. But the 1 week off from work really makes a different. I somewhat feel better now. *And happy overslept and not rushing to get to work today* Wahahha!



3rdly, I made a few new friends. Some in school, some thru WLNY. Haha. Life. I kinda lost touch with my dear Shiwei and Christina eversince my school started. I somehow.. lost some connection with them. I'm sorry. I missed the fun time with my buddies. I was just watching the TV on the show on Volleyball, and I recalled, I was trying to join the beach volleyball team back in poly, but there wasn't such cca tt time.. thinking bout it, i missed the beach man.. i'm gonna get a volleyball soon and start hitting the beach more often.. with the beach volleyball game with papa~! (haha, he said he was the champion for such sport.. dun play play ah)



Lastly, yes. U know what I wanna say. Him. I still like him as much as few months ago. My feeling didn't go off, coz we met up again. on the 27 Jun. Tt day I was at zouk with Ms L and Mr G. Hahah, I thought I vowed nv to go clubbing with Mr G?!?!?! Damn shit. I asked Azhar along, and paid partial of his entrance lo! Idiot. Thought I finally can avoid paying coz at last my citibank credit card is here.. but nvm la, take it as paying up for the beer lo. Oops. I just realised I didn't return Ms L the beer money... hahah. Okay, back to topic. As usual, I couldn't enjoyed myself even when I'm out for clubbing. Sick. I can't stop thinking bout him when I drink. In fact is every moment I've been thinking of him la. I'm so loyal and faithful. Haha! I msged him tt nite, and was at Changi V. I missed him so much until I put them off (my fren I meant) and flee to meet up with him at 1:30am. A good time together, but was a short one. I didn't have much chance to pour out my feeling for him. But it's ok. there's always the chance, if tt's gonna be our fate. Somehow, I just wanna trust my instinct. I still believe he has feeling for me, though I read up so much and can tell he's a player. Yah. A player. I'm just a stupid fool. But my heart has been eaten up by him (as said by Delia). I'm dead. Hahahahahha. Like I say, I dunwanna think so much. If I'm his, I will be his. If I dun belong to him, someone else will just come in, at the right time. I dun empower my fate, so be it. I just want a carefree life, and get someone who loves me. This day will come one day. :)



Okay, last bit b4 I call it a day. I went for my wakeboarding last Sat after my last exam ended on Fri (actually went to KTV wiith the classmate after exam, and it was really fun) I finally got up! Cool. I love it. I like the sport very much. But dunno y I got bitten by insect. A number of bites on my arms and back now. itch. But the nice moment were captured. NICEEE!!!

Everything is just like a breeze

Everything is just like a breeze.. So fast.. I can't really catch up sometimes. Trying to catch my breathe everytime as I moved on.

My feeling is quite down now, especially when I try to stop myself from writing to him. So painful. When i told myself that, I tried to slp, so that I could stop thinking for a moment. I'm so tire, so tire. I cried last nite, after listening to Better in Time. Leona's songs are really great. I've fallen in love with her voice.

Better now.. at least I cried it out. Guess it has stored in my heart for too long, and I can't get going.
Yesterday was out with Shiwei. First time without interruption in between. We just hang out @ the orchard road, got my CDs, listen to music and sat @ a corner to look out for cute guys. None. Where on earth were they @? Mostly @ the pub (we were guessing). Haha. But it was a pleasant nite with shiwei. We enjoyed sitting down aand watch the nite pass. Just dun wanna get home too early on a Friday nite. I'm bored. Too bored. It just made me can't stop thinking of him. So suffocating today, but it was worse on Thu (that day was the labour day, n I was @ home rotting).

I'm gonna start my bridging course on Mon. I'm gonna get busy with things. A little bit of stressed out now, n I get tire very easily. Dun really like it. I need some chill out, but my friends dun drink, and those who drinks, will just make me drunk. I dun like that. Haiz.

Boring boring.

A perfectionist's mind.

Good day. It's Christina's Birthday. Happy birthday, my bestie. And yesterday was Yating's birthday. She's my nursery schoolmate. Goodness. My longest friend of 19 years, and first time I wished her a happy birthday. It's awesome.

Today, I'm going for my teeth extraction *ssss*... i can't imagine i loss 4 teeth over a night. Scary. I told him (by dropping him a message).

Christina treated me a movie just now, it's called the 'Definitely, Maybe'. The movie was nice.. but i can't concentrate (though I tried to), coz it was soo cold in the theatre that I wanna pee.. haha.. but i really endure till the last bit. She cried while watching.. I think it's nice, but I didn't cry. I can understand the story.. hmm, and I think the ending was good.. dun see the point for crying here la..

For the moment, I feel.. heavy, loaded. Is that the word to use? I don't know. I talked to Chris, the work & my feeling. I've been feeling so much. For work, for him. So tire and stressful. haiz. I wish to msg him these:

"3 words for u:
I love you.
4 words that I'm feeling right now:
I'm missin' u alot
5 words that have been all along in my mind:
I wanna be with you."

I dunwanna write these stuff to him anymore. Perhaps he just prefers the hardcore girl. I can't show too much of my dependency on him, coz he don't like (I guess so). I'm strong, remember? The perfectionist and the independent young lady. That's me la, the Virgo's charisma.

Good nite.

ehhh...well. that's life.

Soo.. many things. Too many things to look at.. boss handing over to me, saying gonna split job btw me and my colleague. Think I'm a big mouth.. didn't manage to keep the little secret that she's coming over to help us in Compliance Team. Aaahahahah. Duncare. This kinda thing dunneed to keep it low profile.. bleh. But seems like I'm gonna play a big part after boss left. Haiz.. I'm so tire. I hope they will get me a lappy.. i dunwanna take my boss one.. so Dirty (n always seeing her scratching the head), guess i will pour out lotsa dandruff and what.. some biscuit crisp from the lappy if i overturn it. KNS! Yewks. Can't stand ppl who are sooo.. Dirty. Y ah?

Ppl don't realise that they're damn ugly and gross when they did some unglam stuff.. like digging nose in front of ppl (although @ home), scratching their scalp until bits of crispy skin drop out (on the bus, especially those baldding uncles), or like scratching their armpits (yewks!) then start touching some other stuff, or like sneezes and then touch somewhere else without realising their smelly saliver on their hand, or like SNEEZE unglammly and spreading the super smelly saliver across the ROOM! GROSS!!! these ppl, I sometimes really wanna give them a hard whack on their head man! (better not, or i will dirty my hand).. yewks! but saying them, i guess sometimes u will start to do these gross thingy n without realising it...hahahaah. Of coz I'm not that gross. But I just simply can't stand somebody begin to dig their nose happily while watching the TV then *fling*.. arghhh. At least grab a piece of tissue and clean the ** on it la! yee-aarrhhh.

Anyway.. I'm just bore. I dunno wanna write what. Bore, tire, vex, in vain, a little not feeling good, bad skin, outbreak, missing someone terribly, knock my kneecap after sea cockroaches run up my feet (damn thing!), smelly shoes.. blah blah blah.. aiyah, all the bad bad stuff come so near to me. I HATE THESE!!! GROSS! Fuck.

I'm just throwing my anger here again. Cool. I'm going to sleep.

Surprise.. Yah. Surprises.

I just wanna say something... ughh.. been sooo tire for these days. Guess I've over enjoyed myself over the weekend last week.

Though I didn't get to enjoy myself @ zouk (with Ms L & Mr G) on Fri nite, but it was fun on the next nite, where Sean asked me to join along for MieNa's bf's gang @ The Arena. It's nice there.. RnB music was good (the live band sings well). I vomited.. well coz I'm too full I guess. Hey, at least I had managed to walk home.

Then followed by Sunday, went to Bishan for some praying respect to my 'brother', uncle and auntie? Hmm.. I made some wishes.. I dunno if it will fulfill, but I wish it could. I wish I wish.
And I met Chris to go Swensen @ Changi Airport T3 (my 1st time there!). My treat to her for celebrating my promotion and also congrats to her for moving on to a new job soon. :D

Then today, soooo slpy for the whole day (and guess what, it's already Thur morning now, n I have to get up earler for my briefing @ marina mandarin hotel! goodness). But the key thing is:

My boss (she's my supervisor actually.. just used to say tt she's my boss) is leaving. Shucks. Is that the reason why I got a double promotion? I don't know, I guess that is part of the reason. I'm kinda worry now. That's y I'm so alert @ this moment. Shucks. And my bridging course will be starting soon in beginning of May (if I got accepted by UOL?)... I'm really lost @ the point when she told me that. I only questioned myself "Why? How? Really going?" Seems like a karma.. e previous time i got extended for my contract, right after tt my previous 'boss' left too.. and now? Hey..that's not a good sign... I may move on quick, but I guess Money is more important than the title tight? Though a slight jump in my pay, but i guess i'm still lowly paid. Goodness, this company is really stingy.

Phew. I shall end here... Really really tire. Really feeling sooo Fuck up these days. Arghh. Bad days.

Just blogging.

I just looked through my past blogs. I realised I'm a late blogger. No wonder I've got such bad dark eye rings.. Haa.

Looking through the blogs, I feel sympathy for myself.. I really had a very bad love luck. I don't know why. Guys that I've came across are all kinds of weirdo. They made me had heartaches. How come ah?

Anyway, some good stuff to share with all.. I've got my bonus, increment, and then now, Promotion. Ha. Last yr I was still complaining in my blog that I'm going to take my half month and go, coz company don't see my effort. And guess what, I've got a double promotion. Wow. It's just my luck I guess. And now that I'm gonna start studying, I'm just worry that I may not perform well. I hope everything will work well. At least I've got appreciated now. Thanks. I'm a Executive now okay.. SW is damn envious of me now.. I will give both her and Chris a treat soon.. :)

I don't know if I sounded ok, or will he understand me.. and didn't realise that at least my past 3 blogs have been talking bout him. I msged him this morning.. a long good one. But looking at the way how he treated me, it seems the same, same way as Mr J treated me. Oh boy. Please tell me I'm wrong.

I'm listening to Mariah Carey's new song - Touch My Body. This song is nice.. (but not the MTV). I'm recently into Rihanna's song. So shakey booty nice. "Please don't stop the music". I need to listen to it everyday, otherwise it's like something missing. Wow. Music really plays a great part in my life.

So will I be getting my Coach Bleecker Duffler bag? Hope got stock. I want it. Shiwei has helped me to make order, but might not have the colour that I want. U think the store will go make the order? I hope they will leh.

Yah, 23 Mar was the date when I got my driving license a year ago. Happy anniversary. Same day, 3rd granduncle passed away, but he's the 3rd year anniversary. I kinda missed him. I rmb that was the time when I just started blogging. Reminds me of many thing. My trip to australia.. wow.. amost 3 years ago, and my little dipsy, also getting to 3 years old.. haha.

Slping soon. Good nite.

Hahaha! I just can't stop laughing (wakeboarding)

Haha! Damn Funny, I can't stop laughing when I watch myself getting up. Fat thighs.. wahahaha!!

Wakeboarding in HOT sun!

Woohoo.. today's wakeboarding is really... GREAT! (I will upload my video the next round!)

Overall, it's fun, and very tiring. Whole body is aching now.. but I think it's worth the money (each pax bout $58). And best part, we've got our tan... I'm like a lobster now.. haha. Got a big bruise on my thigh.. but can't recall when i got it. The ppl who turned up are AUD, May, Sean, my bro & Addaline jie jie. :D

It's really really fun. All teasing me say my boobs big.. yahh.. thanks to dad lo. Poh Poh one is big, and pass down the gen to me lo.. LOL.

Anyway, am really tire now. (n I drop him a msg in wholivesnearyou.. er... maybe tt's my last hope..) haha. Somehow, I find him quite good looking after seeing him.. but he didn't leave me much impression the moment we first chit chat. lalala. I'm real happy today, maybe coz of the wakeboarding ba. Just that didn't go to zouk. Sian. Nobody wanna go with me. Laura the liar. dunlike her. :(

Good nite to all. Yawn.

Where should I start..

Alrite.. here's my stories.. Big changes to my life. I will shoot at 1 go.

My Love
I hate it. He's avoiding me. Not responding to me. I don't know what the freak is this happening. Maybe I tried to hard. What I wanted is just a simple Love. He don't even care bout me. We met on 29 Feb. An unlucky day for me. I nv want this day to happen in my life again. Things worked well initially, though he was late and he went in to the bar himself. Whatever, I didn't wanna argue over such small matters. I can pay for my own expenses (and I did). All I wanted is to meet him. But if I could rewind time back, I wish I didn't meet him that day. Things turned out badly @ the end. I cried in front of him (coz I was quite drunk).. everything was in a mess. Super messy. I cried on the way home. I think I was very upset the way he treated me. It wasn't the way he was the first time we met. I don't know why was he doing that to me.. guess he did that on purpose. But since that day, I've been thinking badly for him. I tried my best effort to comfort him through texting, coz there's no other way we can talk (he don't pick up my call either). Today will be the 20th day since we met. No reply from him at all. I was dead worry then, but only when I saw him online (in wholivesnearyou.. haha.. that kinda website?) on Tue. He's fine. I know. So i blah him a msg there saying, "so you're online huh? when do u wanna stop seeing me until?".. pretty pissed off here.. but anyway i knew he will go offline. whatever. He's just a loser. jerk. stupid guy who doesn't know there's a silly gal waiting for him down here.

Y are all these guys existing in this world!!! Can they be more understanding? What's the problem there! I'm really not that possessive.. am I (I'm just agressive.oops)? Did I just try too hard? Anyway, I stopped my smsing to him since yesterday. I stopped. I told myself, that's enough. U can't talk to the air for the rest of the 2 months. It's crazy. He's not appreciating your love. U've got to move on.

I just have no luck in Love. Damn. Unfortunately, I couldn't see other guys now. I'm just being loyal. So I leave it to him to make the move. Silly me.

My study
I fake an MC ytd. Haha. Coz I wanna go and certified my certificates and do my registration for PSB. Everything was done ytd. That's pretty fast. Felt so guilty for faking that MC. Sorry to my boss, sorry to the Doctor.. I just don't like to tell lies. So next move is, WAIT for the admin officer to get back to me in Apr. And if application is successful, means I'm gonna start my bridging courses in May. Damn, the timetable are so pack! OMG. I can't imagine I'm studying for the straight Mon, Tue, Thu then Fri. But this can help me to cut down 1 year of study. That's worth it (of coz in terms of money too!). Hurray, I'm gonna study soon. I can't wait to start actually. Guess I can take this opportunity to slim down, coz no time to eat dinner. Hahah.

My Braces
Yup, in progress now. Already installed the brackets, they are hurting my gums, but at least my oral hygiene improves. Hee. I'm gonna wear braces soon! 15th Apr will do my extraction of teeth (of 4.. damn painful lo), 22nd Apr will put on the braces!!! Yuppie!! I started talking weirdly.. haha.. coz I always feeling sth in my mouth.. and always bite my cheek wall.. ouch. Can't have my lovely chocolates, sweet talk with pearls.. sooo SAD, and that's going to be 2 years you know. I've already spent like 700 for dental liao.. sobsob.. expensive to be pretty. It's ok, I may have slimmer face next time.. (My face is so short and round.. i don't like it! :( )

Tomorrow
I'm going for wakeboarding! Hurray, my first time lei!! Hee. Gonna be exciting. It's Good Friday tmr (so fun). And at nite, if I'm not wrong, I should be hitting Zouk, coz got free entry!! heee.. suppose to go chill out tonite, but everyone not in the mood.. so postpone to next week, at least everyone gets the pay and maybe the bonus as well? Hee.. wondering how much I'm getting for my bonus lei.. hahah.. *Drooling* Then can pay for my coach bleecker duffler liao... Wahahahah!

Okay, time to pen-off (tire and stink. Oops). Gonna take a shower then head to bed. Wakeboarding, here I come (God, please bless me with Great Sun tmr from 10-2pm! Thank u :3)!

=Busy little Woman=

Agitated!!!! I want to screammmm!!!

i hate that feeling. i can't shake it off.. he said somehow he likes me too... but he's acting soo strange. Y is he asking me out for drinks only? y no other stuff. I hate that. we've not seen each other after that time. The infatuation feeling is burning off slowly, probably coz I'm already used to that for the past 2 weeks, but i still don't feel good. Argh... sounds complicating right? That's how I'm feeling now. He actually spoilt my feeling for him.. he asked me out for 2 times... 1st time i didn't agree, coz I got freakingly no mood (we got some arguement over it). Yesterday he asked, I agreed, but he turned down the session coz last min got thing's on. And today, he just sms me saying might not meet up today again, coz he need to pass the car to his bro. hey Ppl, u know I'm staying all the way @ east and to travel down to town takes me more than an hour.. he thinks I dun dress up slightly to meet him.. he thinks I'm not understanding coz he really got stuff on, then he's damn insensitive over a girl I WOULD SAY. Can I dump him like that? I wish to.. I'm tire of this game. I dunwan such a complicating life. it really suffocates me. Damn.

Studying... guess I'm self-prepared to go for study. I'm looking at courses at SIM. Hope my 2 other buddies are also studying... but if not, guess I'm gonna do it on my own... afterall I'm studying for myself.. not for anyone else. It's gonna be something tiring for the rest of the year... but if I could occupied myself with studies, guess I could think lesser for the courtship... it's has covered 1/2 of my entire brain. I need a rest.

Ahhh... then other pissing off stuff.. my dad.. he's superly insensitive.. I wonder how my mom has been tolerating him for the past years... he wants me to type an insurance letter for him! wtf.. what is the matter with him... I dun even know what he wants in the letter, he just keep pestering me to get the ink cartridge and get the letter typed ready for him. Damn it.. I have not been so agitated by him for such a long time.. he just thinks he's the king of the house and happily instructing ppl to do his way. Shit, i dun even give a damn thing for that.

Argh.. I'm just venting my anger here. I wouldn't be soo pissed off when u ppl see me on the street... I just need a good break.. and a carefree life + a good relationship mah.
Yewks~ Life's so terrible for me ;~(

Hi there!

Boo!

New year has came, and next the CNY... bought many clothes but seems boring.
Hmmm... "Slim down!" I say. working hard on it!

Yeah, I hope I'm thinking neither right nor left. I'm thinking STRAIGHT. I like someone. Someone that I only met once. I know that's crazy, but this funny feeling keeps clinging on my heart... Kinda annoying. I can't be too straight forward, but I can't just stay there. Well, 1 end of my mind keeps saying - "U like him? Don't know? Ask him la!", while the other side will always says, "Steady steady. U don't want something like the past happened again". Argh... it's the whole day thingy, it just keep bothering me. Haisay! I'm just a normal human being lei... y so torturing?

Anyway... my navel is sooo painful. Sucks. I'm angry (with the scar). What am I supposed to do to it huh? :(

I wanna make some change to myself. Oh, did I mention, I just cut my hair really short. Yup, but it's difficult to style. Haiz. I want it shorter, but I guess it will looks more horrible than now, especially in the morning. Hahaha. Better don't think of that.

I want to get a Coach Duffle Bag! I just love it after I saw it on the magazine!!! Aizzz... I guess it gonna spend me a bomb. Anyway, I just get some cheap ones to standby. Ok, I shall stop buying.

Argh... putting braces. This was something that I've been mentioning for long. I guess I should be doing it after CNY, becoz that's the time I will get my bonus!!! yeppie!!

Self-entertaining...

my phone's button spoil!!!! argh.. less than a month only u noe... muz faster send down for repair.. who noes i can get a new phone? :( veri sad...

haiz... i wanna go for holiday... but i got no $$$.. tell me where can earn more bucks? tell me pls...

think i put on weight again! argh! annoying! irritating. Bad skin again... wah... y all the bad stuff approach me... SHOO!!! go away! I wan some luck!. Faster slim down so that my Mr Q will come soon... woahahah

*I'm self entertaining myself. Just let me be.* Thanks.